I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
