I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
