My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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