He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
