you mean i was at the winter classic?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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