There was a lot of him and a little penis
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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