i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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