is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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