I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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