I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
