Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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