As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
