Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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