I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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