why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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