he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
