He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
