No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You were trust falling into bushes
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
