Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
