whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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