ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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