Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
