There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
