it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
