I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize