I cannot find my penis.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
