So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Couch. On fire.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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