So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
