i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
