2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
