I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
