Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
