This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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