I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
