Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
