I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
