I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
