I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
