hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's always time for handjobs
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Boobs speak an international language.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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