just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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