I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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