I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
