I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
