nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
