Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
