1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
