Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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