Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
