If that was your dad, he is hot
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
