Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I look better un-naked...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
