I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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