why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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