if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
