I've blown a few things in my day
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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