i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This is the high leading the old right now
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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