Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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