im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
