Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
