i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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