I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Pants are for mortals
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
