Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
