And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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