Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
