I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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