There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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