so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
