So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize