Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
