I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
